Relationships are complex and ever-changing, so over the years… there have been quite a few different terms created to describe them in their various stages. But one of the newest relationship labels has been the term “situationship”.
It was first coined back in 2017, and as such, it’s a very fresh concept in the dating world. And one that’s been hotly debated and talked about ever since.
People want to know what situationships are, how to know if you’re in one, and how to navigate it if so, etc.
So I thought I would write this article, in which I’ll cover as many of those questions as I can. And hopefully, it will help clear this term up for anyone that might be confused about it.
First off…
What is a situationship?
A situationship is a type of romantic relationship in which there is either no commitment or very little, and there’s not much discussion about the specifics of what’s developing.
In other words, it’s a romantic grey zone. Where the boundaries, the expectations, and the future of the relationship is often left unclear.
A Situationship Vs Friends With Benefits…
A situationship is NOT a “friends-with-benefits” arrangement, or anything similar. And the best way to explain the difference is through an example.
Let’s say that you’re regularly having sex with one of your friends…
If you’ve both agreed that you would like to stay friends, and not pursue a romantic relationship aside from having sex… Then you’re in a friends with benefits arrangement.
But if you haven’t yet had a discussion about the definition of your current relationship or where it’s headed, then you’re in a situationship.
Situationships Vs Relationships…
A situationship is also NOT a traditional romantic “relationship”, at least in the way that we typically define them.
Because to enter a traditional romantic relationship, both people have to have a discussion and agree on that label. Whereas that discussion wouldn’t occur in a situationship.
But in modern terms, a situationship is simply a type of relationship. Just like committed relationships are a type of relationship.
Are situationships always unhealthy?
Different people have different views on situationships, but they’re not all bad. And in fact, many people in our generation are finding happiness in exploring more non-committal relationships. So it’s really just a matter of personal preference and individual feelings.
Because, like everything, there are pros and cons to situationships. And, like any type of relationship, situationships have the ability to be healthy or become unhealthy.
The Pros and Cons of Situationships…
Pros –
- Freedom – Some people, especially when they’re young, may value not being “tied down” by a long term relationship. And in that case. situationships may be preferable to more traditional commitments.
- Exploration – Situationships can also provide a lighthearted and casual way to learn how to navigate relationships, and explore which aspects of them you like versus those you don’t. Plus, it could even help you figure out what you’re looking for in a long term partner down the road.
- An Easy Exit – As callous as this last pro might sound, there’s no denying that traditional breakups can be extremely difficult. And by keeping things casual with a situationship, it can (although it might not always) make it easier to break things off if necessary.
Cons –
- No Commitment – Although some people may see the freedom of a situationship as a good thing, others might not enjoy the lack of commitment. And if you’re one of those people, there’s no shame in admitting that a situationship isn’t for you.
- Unaligned Expectations – A common issue in situationships, because of the lack of definition, is that there’s always the potential for a difference in expectations. And when that happens… it could lead to things like discontentment, misunderstandings, and even the end of the relationship.
- The Risk Of Unrequited Love – And lastly, whenever you’re in a non-committal relationship with someone, there’s always the risk of “catching feelings” that the other person doesn’t reciprocate. Which can cause a lot of heartache in the long run.
A Note About Unhealthy Situationships…
Determining whether or not a situationship is unhealthy takes a lot of analysis, and I plan to write a post dedicated to that topic in the future.
But there’s one thing that will always make a situationship unhealthy, and that is if both parties aren’t aware they’re in one!
And because relationship boundaries and expectations can be so blurry, particularly if there isn’t much communication… This happens quite a bit.
So if you’re worried that you might be in a situationship and don’t know it, then this next section is for you.
How do you know if you’re in a situationship?
The general rule of thumb is, if you have to ask yourself if you’re in a situationship… Then you might very well be in one. Because the biggest sign of a situationship is an overall lack of definition.
But there can be some other signs as well…
Signs of A Situationship…
- Inconsistency – Is it always unclear when you’re going to talk to each other next? Does the person in question tend to be very hot and cold? If so, it may be a sign that they aren’t taking the relationship too seriously.
- Convenience – If you’re noticing that the relationship is only really active when schedules align perfectly or you happen to be in the same place, then it could be a sign that you’re not a priority to the other person or vise versa.
- A Lack Of Deep Connection – People who are truly invested in someone will typically want to learn a lot about them, share personal experiences and emotions, etc. So if you and the person you’re seeing don’t know much about each other, and don’t try to change that fact… it can be a sign that you’re in a situationship.
- There’s No Future Plans – Even people in fresh relationships tend to talk about the future in some capacity. So if there are no discussions of the future between you and the person you’re seeing, it could mean that one or both of you don’t see any type of a future together.
- No Involvement – Romantic partners are typically involved in most aspects of each others lives. So if you haven’t met their family, aren’t invited to work events, and are generally uninvolved in their lives then they may see you as a temporary presence.
How To Know For Sure…
If the status of your relationship is weighing heavily on your mind, and you find yourself needing clarity that a situationship can’t offer… then there’s one failproof way to find out what’s going on.
And that is to start a conversation with your partner. You could ask them how they define the relationship, where they’d like it go, and any other questions that you’ve been asking yourself.
If you’re looking for some specific ideas on how to broach that conversation, this article by Bustle offers a lot of thoughts and insights on how to do it effectively.
How long do situationships last?
Statistically speaking, situationships usually have a lifespan of a few weeks to a few months. And then they either break apart, or develop into something that’s more defined.
But it’s important to note that there’s not a number that’s set in stone, because every relationship (and person) is so different.
Some situationships might end after a few of days, or they could last for years. It really all depends on the couple in question.
