Some people enter situationships with the intention of it never becoming serious. While others enter into this form of a relationship with the hope that it can transform into something more permanent… And if you belong to the latter group of people then this article is for you. As we’ll be diving into some situationship red flags that could mean things will never become serious.
And please don’t be too discouraged if you do find that your situationship is displaying some of these red flags. Because at the end of the day, it’s better to know than to keep carrying on with false hope. That way you can better protect yourself and your heart.
What is a situationship?
In a nutshell, situationships are undefined romantic entanglements. Meaning that there’s no expectations, titles, discussions of the future, etc…
And for some, this relationship format works just fine. In fact, many people even prefer situationships to more formal relationships during certain periods of their lives. Such as when you just want to casually date and explore what you might want from a long term partner in the future.
But for others, situationships can feel pointless unless they’re leading to a real relationship down the line. This article is for those people! Since, as I mentioned in the intro, many of these red flags are only relevant if you’re hoping for something permanent with the person you’re seeing.
What are some situationship red flags that mean they aren’t serious about you…?
1. They’re Constantly Inconsistent
Probably the number one sign that someone isn’t actually serious about you is inconsistency. As this means they don’t care enough about you to want to keep in contact unless they want something. (In many cases, they’ll only really come around if they want to have sex.)
But other than manifesting in how often they reach out to you, this red flag could also appear in other ways. Such as them being inconsistent with what they tell you…
Do they tell you that they want something serious one minute, and then take it back the next? Do they make plans and then cancel? Are they nice for a while, and then suddenly give you the cold shoulder? These could all be signs of inconsistency in a situationship.
2. They Make Plans Abruptly And Only When It Suits Them
Similarly to the last red flag, people who don’t see you as a priority in their life will often only want to hang out if they have nothing better to do. Therefore, you may begin to notice that they’re only willing to make plans last minute.
Additionally, if they aren’t really invested in you at all… they may not show up even when you need them! No matter how much you reach out…
So if you find that you can’t rely on the person you’re seeing to help you in times of need, it’s probably a sign that the relationship won’t progress pass the casual stage. And a good way to test out if this is the case is to start initiating plans with them! If they pass up the offers constantly and only want to hang out on their terms, you have your answer.
3. They Don’t Respect Your Feelings
This particular red flag is applicable whether or not you’re ok with your situationship staying a situationship. Because even if someone is in your life on a casual basis, it isn’t ok for them to disrespect you or break your boundaries.
So if you find that lines are constantly being crossed and the person you’re seeing doesn’t truly respect you, then you should probably consider breaking things off before you get any deeper into things.
Examples of this could be that they tend to pressure you to do things you don’t want to do, they lie to you or disregard your feelings, and in the worst scenarios… they may even make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
4. The Relationship Is Purely Physical
If your situationship partner is only interested in you when they want to have sex, or if your meetups only consist of only sexual interactions… Then it probably means they don’t value you outside of that.
And it’s important to note that this is a prime example of one of those situationship red flags that might not be seen as a bad thing by everyone. Because if you’re aware that the relationship is purely sexual and that’s all you want as well, then it’s perfectly healthy.
The issue is only relevant if you’re hoping for something more. Or if they’re telling you that they do, while their actions don’t match their words. Since sadly, some people do use situationships as a way to string people along with the hopes of something more.
5. They’re Hiding You
If the person you’re involved with hasn’t made an effort to introduce you to their friends or family, then they probably aren’t that serious about you.
And if they haven’t even mentioned that you exist, then that has the potential to be even worse. Because it could mean (in a worst case scenario) that they’re hiding you from someone in particular. Such as someone else they’re seeing at the same time. (Which is ok if you know about them and vice versa and everyone is ok with it, but not okay otherwise.)
All in all though, even if they’re not being sneaky for a bad reason, it usually doesn’t feel good to be kept a secret by someone you care about. And it does usually signal that they never want to actually announce you as their partner. So it’s just something to look out for.
6. You Never Discuss The Future
When a situationship is going nowhere, you may notice that discussions with your partner never include talk of the future. And this is probably because one, or both, of you don’t actually see the relationship lasting in the long term.
And it’s also important to note here that in some cases, you may talk about future events. But you won’t be talking about experiencing these events together! For instance, your partner might mention wanting to have kids eventually but not mention that they’d like to have kids with you.
Ultimately, it’s all about the context of the conversations. But usually if you pay attention, you’ll be able to tell if the person sees you in their future or not.
Extra Note – I do want to mention though, that some people will deliberately act like there’s a future for the relationship to string you along. (My ex did this a lot!) Especially if they know you want to commit more fully to them. In this case, it can be harder to figure out. So you’ll need to pay attention to other red flags as well, to determine their intentions.
7. They’ve Told You That They Don’t Want A Committed Relationship
This might seem like the most obvious of all the situationship red flags we’ve discussed so far, but I still feel like it needs to be on this list. So… if a person has told you that they don’t want to pursue a serious relationship (whether it’s with you specifically or just in general) then you should believe them!
Because while it’s true that people can change their mind, you shouldn’t count on it. And even if they do seem to waffle back and forth with their intentions, you should still proceed with caution. As there was probably a valid reason as to why they didn’t want to commit in the first place.
So the bottom line is, never stay in a situationship just because you think you might be able to convince someone into trying for something more.
8. They Avoid Conversations About Furthering The Relationship
Even if your situationship partner hasn’t come right out and said that they never want something more serious with you… If they’re avoiding the conversation to begin with, then it means the same thing. Since someone who wants to advance the relationship would be open, and even excited, to discuss it.
So if you really want to know if there’s a future for your situationship, then you should just start asking questions. And remember that the more direct you are, the better!
If your partner responds by deflecting the questions, coming up with an excuse to postpone the conversation, or just ignoring it altogether then it’s probably a sign they don’t want a future with you. And once again, be wary if they seem to be placating you by giving you the answers they think you want to hear! Try your best to determine if their answers are genuine.
9. They Don’t Put Action Behind Their Words
I’ve mentioned a few times throughout this article that some people use situationships as a way to string others along. With some even going so far as to purposefully manipulate their partners into thinking they want something more.
If you’re suspicious that this might be the case with your situationship then pay close to attention to this section. Because this red flag can serve as a telltale sign that someone is just telling you what you want hear…
If someone isn’t putting any action behind their words, and never ends up doing what they say they will… then they’re likely just trying to appease you. Which means that not only are you dealing with a dishonest person, but you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t want a relationship with you.
So if you’re noticing a lot of talk, but very little walking of the walk… move on!
10. They’re Seeing Other People
Lastly, if the person you’re seeing is also dating or hooking up with other people, then it probably means they don’t prioritize you or the relationship. Because although situationships are oftentimes open (due to the lack of titles and formality), if the person was really into you then they’d only want to hang out with you!
So in this case, save yourself the trouble and heartache and cut things off. Unless, of course, you’re ok with this open relationship format. But if you decide that this is the case, and you want to continue the situationship… make sure that you’re being honest with yourself. And you aren’t convincing yourself to be ok with them seeing others just because you’re too attached.
This will only lead to heartbreak and resentment later on!
Final Thoughts
If after reading this article you’ve decided to break things off with your situationship, then I wish you the best of luck. Because I know firsthand how difficult that step can be! And if you need additional resources to come up with a plan for the “breakup”, you could start by reading this article on the subject.
But on the other hand, if the person you’re seeing hasn’t displayed any of these situationship red flags…. then I also wish you the best of luck!
And finally, I want to thank everyone for reading this article. I sincerely hope it was helpful for someone!
